Predicted Nuclear Explosions

Tuesday night at marching practice our directors told us that we couldn't drive home the route most of us normally take, passing by the ball-park because there was some fugitive on the loose over there.
There were search helicopters in the skies above, looking for this man.
The director's told us that he was last seen wearing a yellow shirt and khaki pants.
We all looked around and made jokes because Drew one of our band members was wearing that exact outfit. But in all seriousness, we were all too paranoid to even walk to our cars by ourselves.
Later I was informed that he robbed a convenience store near where my grandma lives.
In out little town, this was big news because nothing interesting ever happens here.

This whole situation made me start to think about how scary it is that almost none of us realize that we live on the outskirts of one of the biggest cities in America. Of course we're teenagers and we don't expect anything to happen that's really devastating to us, because almost 99% of teenagers think they're invincible.
However, (Maybe I'm the exception?) There are so many factories nearby enough that if some terrorist decided to pull a second twin towers move, but drop some bombs on the city, all those factories would chain react and blow up, potentially reaching our tiny town. And there's nothing we could do about it.

Tracing Your Veins

Last autumn went something like this: 

You came over one weekend and helped my family rake leaves in the backyard. 

Wasn't exactly the ideal time spent with you, but fun none-the-less. 

We felt each others pain for the first time when we woke up with blisters

all over our palms from gripping rakes too hard because

the cold was immobilizing our joints. 

Of course now we know each other so much better don't we? 

Almost like you're inside my head at times...

I wouldn't trade that for the world. 

This autumn will be phenomenal. 

Kiss With A Fist

You hit me once, I hit you back
Abusive father. That should be your middle name. Never physically, oh no.
Did you know, your words hardly phase me any longer?

You gave a kick, I gave a slap
"You're fat."
"You're ugly."
"You're different."
"You're a girl, stop dressing like a boy."

You smashed a plate over my head
In one ear, out the other. That's how it always goes.
The saddest part? I don't think you even know
when you make me feel like shit.

Then I set fire to our bed
Only two more years, a little less. I promise
I'll be long gone and out of your hair.
You never wanted me remotely close to you at all,
So there won't be a difference.

A kiss with a fist is better than none.

13 Reasons Why

Last night he told me he saw no purpose in living any longer. Not specifically for himself, but in general.
"We're already 1/4 of the way through life, and we still live for nothing but the fact that we're still alive."
Well, love. These are my reasons why...what are yours?

1. Cody. For always being there for me through everything the past wonderful 19 months and many more to come.

2. Mom. I know you suffer just as much as any other person and I'm sometimes not the greatest daughter to you. Depression exists even in the adult world, and you're living proof.

3. Music. All of my favorite bands, have saved me. Kept me sane, if you will.

4. Poetry. Freedom to say what I want, when I feel like it, and pour it all out in a (somewhat) organized manner.

5. Art. Freedom to dump out my nightmares on the page without judgement.

6. Photography. You can really learn things about a persons perspectives through this. I'd like to show you mine.

7. Fear. It reminds me I'm not God, I'm not in control, keeps my mind sharp and body on edge.

8. Friends. I owe every single one of you more than I can begin to explain and often don't feel like I'm a good enough friend compared to how you guys good you guys are to me.

9. The Unknown. Things I haven't experienced yet.

10. Future. Living with my boy and experiencing life with him the way I've always wanted it.

11. Past. Things I'll never want to resort to again.

12. Videogames. The sense of accomplishment you get when you beat one gives me hope that I can overcome my own struggles.

13. Memories. For those small, seemingly insignificant, moments that make him smile that gorgeous smile. Things that will forever be engraved in my brain.

Post-Midnight Into Forever

Everyone has those nights that they wish they could relive.
The nights that make your mind keep pressing the rewind button.
The nights that make you regret life isn't a tape player.
The nights that make you wish that moment would FREEZE, forever. 


It was Saturday going on Sunday.
Us both falling in and out of sleep laying on that beautiful leather couch
that I was so afraid to merely sit on. To leave any sort of blemish in.
You'd whisper in my ear,"What do you think they're talking about?"
As we absent-mindedly let our minds soak up the movie on the screen before us.
I'd say,"I don't care. You're the only thing I see." But only in my head.
You'd kiss my neck, and I'd melt into your arms.
I eventually fell asleep on you before it reached four, and before
we finished all three of the movies we rented.
Many times, we spoke of our future together and how things will be
as soon as these last two years are up.
Tonight was the night I finally got a taste of what it will be like.
I'll never let that memory fade.

Avenged

Her name is Kristen. She spends her mornings shut off from the world and her nights... well those she prefers not to speak of.
(And I don't blame her.)
~
She has a lovely collection of shiny objects-Oh, how they glisten. They're all s h a r p. Her favorite noise is that of a blade through thick air. Her mother always told her not to play with weapons, but she grew closer to them when she realized that they were one of the only things that she could control.
(She was power hungry.)
~
She hates being told what to do. She'd much rather do the talking. Kristen was gifted with a quick wit and a silver tongue. Sometimes she'd pretend that she could maintain a conversation with someone...anyone, and cry  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." to herself.
(Her words could cut to the quick.)
~
Secretly, she was a masochist. "Just one more OD, and I'll be fine." So she'd drown herself in pills of many kinds, hoping that finally this one would do her in for good. They'd take her back to rehab and she'd swear she's fine-She would never be the same.
(She was a good liar.)
~
Tonight she'll gather her collection, and walk to the cemetery up the street. It's aura was always welcoming. Passing the rain-worn gravestones, and finally reaching her mother's, she sat in the icy grass.  Strewn about the land before her were cobwebs, maggots, and oh god the spiders. She'd never been here before. They day of her mother's death, she swore to avenge her.
(She was the killer.)

Smack dat ass!

I love when my friends give me odd music to listen to. Actually I love it when anyone gives me music I've never heard before. So that leaves me sitting here where I always am listening to The Weepies. (Thank you Maggie.) 

The donkey you see above, his name is Seymoore! Cody found him and dug him up somewhere in the woods behind his house. So we spray painted him white and plan on decorating him. Any suggestions? He's a blank canvas prepped for mass chaos.